“You pretend to be “enjoying his energy” when really all you’re doing is collecting data, scanning his face for signs that he likes you or signs that he doesn’t. Sooner or later, collecting data becomes your full-time job. You become a scientist of his desires. Everything else falls away but your one crucial job. Everything else dims compared to his bright colors. You become dull. Your feelings become irrelevant. Only his feelings matter.
When you pretend your feelings don’t matter, you slowly erase yourself.
You think you’re studying his face and biding your time and making yourself available for the moment he stops being “confused,” but what you’re really doing is making yourself look like the cheapest, easiest resource around, one he can always come back to if other things don’t work out. So why would he settle for you? He can go out and do whatever he wants, and he knows that you’ll still be around, waiting to see if he changes his mind. His energy is that potent. Your time is that worthless.”
